As promised, here are some of the reasons why a covert narcissist uses these types of tactics:
1: To reinforce their victim identity.
Covert narcissists use these subtle, gradual manipulation tactics to slowly undermine you, much like being secretly poisoned over time. When their abusive behavior escalates, they make sure it’s always wrapped in ambiguity, making it very challenging for you to prove or articulate what’s wrong. This ambiguity allows them to provoke negative reactions from you, which they then use to reinforce their victim stance, justifying their behavior and seeking sympathy and validation from everyone.
2: To maintain control over you and the relationship.
By using nonverbal manipulation tactics, covert narcissists can mask their true intentions with plausible deniability. For example, they might claim that a dismissive sigh or eye roll was completely unrelated to you, but you’re always misinterpreting their “innocent” behavior. This indirect abuse creates a facade of normalcy while they insidiously destabilize your self-worth. As they erode your self-esteem and confidence, they tighten their grip and control over you and the relationship, keeping you trapped in a cycle of doubt and insecurity.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
3: To avoid accountability for their actions.
By engaging in such subtle tactics, like inconsistent responses or evasive body language, the covert narcissist can evade accountability by denying or downplaying their behavior, allowing them to continue their manipulative patterns without facing any consequences for their actions.
It’s important to understand that these forms of nonverbal manipulation can occur on occasion in any relationship. But if these things are happening regularly, and your partner is not acknowledging or apologizing for their behavior and making a real and consistent effort to change, then you need to understand how destructive this type of behavior is and do something about it. Over time, you will feel increasingly anxious and insecure, and you’ll have a hard time grasping or articulating why you feel so unsettled. It’s because your body is sensing the constant negative energy and psychological stress, but your mind can’t fully process it. It’s like an invisible torture that destroys you piece by piece.
Now, as you consider whether your partner is behaving in these ways, also ask yourself if you might be doing some of these things too. And if you are, don’t justify it or downplay it. Abuse is still abuse, no matter the reasons for it. As much as it’s important to protect yourself from your partner’s abuse, it’s equally important for you to take responsibility for whatever problems or traumas might be contributing to your toxic behavior toward your partner.
If you’re struggling, consider talking to a therapist in your area. To learn more about the toxic tactics of a female covert narcissist, please click on this link.
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