1. Always the victim.
So the first red flag when it comes to covert narcissists is that they are almost always portraying themselves as the victim, and they absolutely and truly cannot see their role in any of the recurrent problems or chaos in their lives. All of their exes are horrible stalkers, it’s their boss’s fault that they keep losing their jobs. So, they’re always shifting blame, living in this fantasy world where they’re never ever wrong, at fault, or responsible. So, when someone adopts a victim stance and mentality, it is a red flag.
And we are not saying that someone who’s been victimized is a narcissist. Most people on this planet have been victimized at some point along the way. So, what we are talking about here is someone who is almost always viewing themselves as being misunderstood, mistreated, and violated. So, they don’t just have one victim card, they have the whole deck. And not only are they always the victim, but it’s as though they’re in a competition to be the biggest victim. “Oh, you’ve got some problem? Well, just wait because their problem is so much bigger and so much worse than yours.”
2. Casting you as their hero and savior.
And this is a huge red flag, especially when you see it in combination with the first red flag. So, when they position themselves as a victim and also cast you as being the only one who understands them and can rescue them, this hero-savior dynamic might feel good at first. It might make you feel needed and valued. It might even give you a rush, a high. But it will quickly turn toxic. So, when it comes to the covert narcissist, they might act meek and undeserving of you, very vulnerable. They might put you on a pedestal, and they will try to make you believe that you are the only one who can save them. But again, this is a huge red flag that should never be ignored.
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