Number 1: You are no longer getting the attention and the praise and being spoiled by them.
In the beginning, they’re totally into you, they couldn’t get enough of you. They complimented you, bought you things, and made you the center of their universe. But then suddenly, there is no more special treatment. It’s all dried up, and unless they want something from you or need you in order to impress others, whatever you get from them after the love bombing stage usually comes with a heavy price tag and many reminders of how appreciative you should be and how much you owe them for everything that they’ve done for you.
Number 2: Not only is a narcissist no longer idealizing you, but they are also starting to devalue you.
They are slowly and systematically using tactics to confuse, shame, blame, and make you believe that you’re the problem. They will likely get suspicious and accuse you of infidelity, of not being trustworthy, of humiliating them, and they will start to use anything you’re sensitive or insecure about against you. They will blame any and all relationship problems on you being too needy, too insecure, or selfish. When someone accuses you of something, it’s good to take a step back and examine whether there is some truth to what they’re saying and to consider whether you need to make some adjustments.
But with a narcissist, this is just round one. In round two, they will build on the foundation that they are creating, and there will be further accusations and evidence to convince you that you are indeed selfish. As time goes on, you will experience more and more character assassinations.
And here’s the thing: the narcissist will masterfully set you up to behave in ways that will lead you to further believe that what they are saying is true. They will keep your attention focused on your behavior, they will keep you in a state of confusion, and in an intense emotional state so that you can never rationally figure out what’s actually happening.
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