Number 1: They want it often.
A clear indicator of the narcissist is a very high libido—an immense s£x drive where the individual that you are in a relationship with wants it anytime, anyplace, anywhere. They give you lots of it; the quality might be mind-blowing, or it may be less than so, but the point is they’re always up for it, always wanting a quickie, wanting a sh@g, wanting to get down and make the beast with two backs. They want to engage in s£xµal congress on a repeated basis. This is being done as part of essentially monopolizing your time by flooding you with lots of s£x. It’s done to make you feel that you’re immensely appealing to the individual so that you and your emotional thinking are driven to cause you to believe that you are highly desired, that this person can’t get enough of you.
Moreover, particularly if you have a narcissist that provides you with excellent s£xµal outcomes, it feels wonderful. You’re given climax after climax; you are able to indulge many of the fantasies that hitherto had only just been that—pure fantasies. Your needs and desires are catered for; the narcissist gives you what you want and gives you plenty of it, monopolizing your time. There’s a certain control over you and drawing huge amounts of fuel from you as a consequence of all of your responses—your org@smic “oohs” and “aahs,” and “give it to me, baby,” and “yeah, that feels so good,” etc. Hypers£xµalization is a key marker of the narcissist.
Number 2: They suddenly stop wanting it.
In any normal healthy relationship, during the initial stages, there can be a lot of s£x, and then this eases to something where it still takes place but not as regularly; but it doesn’t completely stop. With the narcissist, you’re given loads when you’re in the golden period, and then when devaluation occurs, the s£xµal activity falls off a cliff. You get nothing; backs are turned to you in bed; your hands are pushed away. You might be offered excuses: “I have a lot on my mind at the moment,” “I’m feeling rather tired,” “Can’t you just leave me alone for one night?” This, of course, is the devaluing behavior, and this is because the narcissism instinctively recognizes that you’re embedded and under control and that your fuel has essentially become stale. You’re now being unconsciously punished by an unaware narcissist, or consciously punished by an aware narcissist because you are viewed as a failure. Your failure to continue to pump out exhilarating fresh fuel amounts to a threat to the narcissist’s control, and the narcissism responds by punishing you, withdrawing the very thing that you’ve been given plenty of.
Therefore, there is a marked contrast; you were taken to the highest heights and now you’re flung down to the lowest lows, and therefore the gap between the two is all the more. It has a devastating impact upon you; you’re confused, you don’t understand why this withdrawal has occurred. This causes you to try harder to please and duplicate and appease the narcissist, continuing to keep you under control and causing a shift in the provision of your fuel from positive to negative.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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