Number 6: Self-Centered.
Narcissists are incredibly self-centered. No matter how many times you try to create space for a mutually satisfying conversation, a narcissist will almost always shift the focus back to their favorite topic. They go on long rants about themselves and whatever it is that they are interested in. You really don’t get much opportunity to speak. When you do, it’s guided by the narcissist. For example, let’s say they ask what you like to do for fun and you say, “Oh, I love hiking!” You’re just about to tell them about a fun hiking trip you went on, but the narcissist says, “Oh, that’s great!” and starts telling you about all the hiking they’ve done or switches to their favorite activities with no real interest in you. Maybe they ask about your views on a certain subject, and then, midway through your first sentence, they cut you off and go on a long monologue about what they think.
They really didn’t want your perspective; instead, they were creating an opening for themselves to talk about what they wanted to talk about. It’s a lot of one-way conversations. It’s not balanced or reciprocal. You don’t get much airtime. They don’t ask anything about you unless they’re creating an opening for themselves or fishing for gossip. There is a general pattern of disinterest in what you have to say and whatever it is that you might want to talk about.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Number 7: Selective Listening & Fake Empathy.
A covert narcissist may appear attentive and understanding when you’re talking about something that aligns with their interests or their ego, but they will quickly lose interest or become dismissive and disinterested when the conversation turns to something unrelated to them. They’ll zone out, ignore you, and may cut you off in the middle of your sentence with comments that are completely unrelated to what you’re saying, never going back to what you were talking about. They will also act or talk about how empathetic they are, yet you will quickly figure out that they are not empathetic at all. They’re not able to put themselves in your shoes or anyone else’s.
Number 8: Antagonistic.
Grandiose narcissists are antagonistic. They typically love to argue and get off on baiting your emotions. A covert narcissist, on the other hand, is more defensive. They will often resort to attacking your character when you disagree with their perspectives. They take offense over trivial things, and once offended, anything you say or do to calm the situation or clarify the misunderstanding only fires them up further. Literally, anything you say or do will be twisted until they either start raging or completely shut down.
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