1. They hoover.
Narcissists love to suck you back in. And you’re thinking, well, they don’t even want me. They made it real clear to me or they’re already doing this or that, it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna suck you back in, even if they’ve moved on, or they’ve gotten remarried, or they’re dating a new person now. They will still hoover you for years if you allow them to.
So they’re gonna do whatever they can to pull you back into their drama. And if you have been previously romantically involved with them, back into their bed.
2. You’re gonna have to worry about obsessing.
Now, this is gonna happen on your end. Of course, you’re gonna obsess about what could I have done better. What can I change? what could I do better next time? how do I watch for the red flags? You’re gonna go through that. But the narcissist is going to obsess about you. That’s what’s gonna happen usually before the hoover phase or before the smear campaign.
What’s gonna happen is that the narcissist is going to tell a lot of stories to try to get sympathy and attention. And often, in order to bring in a new supply, whether it’s, another romantic partner, a parent, a friend, or it’s someone else, they’re gonna need someone else to get their supply from.
3. They run the smear campaign.
My advice here is don’t sit around and focus too long on analyzing the narcissist’s behavior. Don’t focus too long on letting the narcissist be connected to you after the break-up because the more access you give them, the less likely they are to go away and move on.
This is where they walk around, and they tell everybody they know what a horrible person you are, and how you hurt them. And often, they project their own bad behaviors onto you. So if they were cheating, they tell everybody you were cheating. If they were beating the crap out of you every day, they tell everybody you were beating the crap out of them every day, and this goes on and on.
People start to believe the narcissist and pretty soon you know who your real friends are because your real friends would never believe those things about you. But strangers and people who are acquaintances and sometimes people you thought were your friends will believe the narcissist and take the narcissist’s side. And that is rough stuff, but it happens. And I guess on the positive side, at least, you know who your real friends are.
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