Number 1: The female covert narcissist will entrust you with her most vulnerable experiences and information.
And she’ll do this very early on and she’ll talk as though you’re the special one; she’s never trusted anyone like this before. But after the love bombing stage is over, she will start to act as though she made a big mistake trusting you. She will accuse you of doing things to make her feel insecure and unsafe, not putting her as a priority, not defending her, and not keeping her happy and secure like you promised to do.
This negative shift in her will be entirely your fault, and the only way to get the good version of her back, the version that you fell in love with, is to show her and prove to her that you are good enough, that you are worthy of her trust and of her love, and that you can give her what she needs.
So the female covert narcissist will be sending you strong repeated messages through her words and actions, that if you want this version of her that you had in the beginning, and if you want the fantasy future that you envisioned with her, you’d better get together and show her that you’re the man that you said that you’d be.
So all the pressure to make this relationship work quickly falls on you: You need to fix yourself, you need to try harder, learn her, and in order to win the long game, she needs to give you some hope. So she throws you a few crumbs here and there: You have a nice time together, a good conversation, sex, and you feel like you’re getting somewhere like your efforts are really paying off.
But then something little, some little thing you said or did set her off, and again, she’s disappointed in you, pulling away from you, blaming and rejecting you. Her sweetness turns bitter, no matter what you do. But through this pattern of intermittent reinforcement, you are being trained, you’re being programmed to believe that you are defective, you’re flawed, and you need to figure out what she needs, and if you don’t, you’re not worthy of her or anyone else for that matter.
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