1. “I was only joking.”
What I hear all the time is, “I was only joking.” People use this to mask insidious, ugly behavior. They can say mean things, they can pull mean sort of behaviors, and then just say, “I was only joking,” and then make you feel like you’re overreacting for not liking it, or for saying something, or for getting angry, or for being upset.
2. “Poor you.”
This is one that makes my skin crawl. I hate it when I hear people say this, particularly narcissists, because they use it a lot. They try to minimize the things that you’re going through. So, if they want to be abusive and narcissistic, they’re going to minimize it; they’re going to make it feel like it’s no big deal. If you’ve gone through something difficult that day or you just want some empathy, they’re going to react with statements like, “Oh, poor you,” because they don’t have the capacity for empathy. They’re not going to show you any empathy when you deserve it. We all deserve empathy sometimes; we all have challenging times, and sometimes we just need somebody to sit with us, to recognize what we’ve been through. Rather than do that, narcissists, if they’re in a mode where they want to hurt or they want to twist the knife and be mean, they’ll say things like that.
3. “Oh, you’re such a victim.”
This one bothers me greatly as well because oftentimes, people actually are victims of these narcissists. So, when they’re saying that, yes, they actually, in fact, are victims of these people because narcissists are so deeply flawed characterologically. Their personality is disturbed; they see the world in a distorted way, and the people that are with them are their victims. So, when they say things like this, “Oh, you’re such a victim,” it truly minimizes the amount of abuse that people with narcissists oftentimes go through.
Read More: 5 Shocking Addictions All Narcissists Have.
4. “You’re too fat.”
“That doesn’t look good on you.” “You’re overweight.” “Are you gaining weight?” Those kinds of statements are really common with narcissists, and it’s really interesting because when I talk to narcissists and confront them about this, they truly believe it is their job, and they deserve to say that to people. So, I know that when sometimes people read my articles, they react strongly because sometimes people comment and they don’t like it when I say things like this because they believe so deeply that they are in the right to do this. It does not compute for them how much they’re trying to control the person they’re with and how much they want to control their feelings because they feel so much rage that the person looks a certain way, or they feel so much rage that they just want to hurt the person and say things that they know are going to cut deep.
So, understand if these are things that you hear a lot or if these are things that are said to you a lot, that if the person is a narcissist that’s saying them, they’re saying them not only because they lack empathy but also because they can be sadistic, because they want to hurt. They don’t like it when people feel good about themselves. When it comes to something like weight, anybody can be self-conscious about that. It doesn’t matter their size.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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