#1: You see narcissistic rage.
Every single narcissist has something inside of them that we call “narcissistic injury,” and it’s something inside of them that says, “I’m not good.” If you were able to peel it away in real-time and real form, you would see this tiny, little, scared child living inside of them. That tiny, little, scared child feels that if somehow they’re exposed, they would almost die, like they wouldn’t have anything left of themselves. So, they protect that narcissistic injury at all costs.
But if that narcissistic injury is tipped off in some way, like rubbed on, then that triggers narcissistic rage. As a divorce attorney, I have seen it many, many times. Regardless of whether they are doing the discarding or the other side is doing the discarding, during that discard phase, remember: the relationship cycle is love bomb, devalue, discard.
During that discard phase, you often see that narcissistic rage being triggered. That is one of the signs that a narcissist is actually losing control: you see that rage flying out. I literally just settled a case where the wife, whom I’m representing, has a husband who is a clearly malignant narcissist. If you want to know more about malignant narcissists, check out my article on the most dangerous type of narcissist. He would just rage and drive everybody crazy; they act like two-year-olds having tantrums, but they’re grown adults. You know they’re losing control because they act like that to try to gain control back over the situation—sort of like how a two-year-old has a tantrum hoping to gain control over their parents that way.
In a two-year-old’s mind, “If I fall on the floor and scream loud enough and hard enough, my parents will give in and give me what I want.” And so, that’s what a narcissist does. It’s the same exact thing; it’s really the same exact mentality. And with the two-year-old, if the parents keep giving in to these tantrums, then the next time it happens, the two-year-old goes, “Well, they gave in last time, so this time all I need to do is cry louder, cry harder, cry longer, and they will eventually give me exactly what I want.”
The same thing happens here. So, one of the ways you know for sure that a narcissist is starting to lose control is when you see that narcissistic rage come flying out.
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