Number 4: Comparing You to P0rn Stars.
They might criticize your movements, reactions, or even your physical appearance, holding you to the impossible staged standards they have internalized from watching adult content. To add insult to injury, they might even pull up a video literally mid-conversation or after intimacy, saying, “This is how it is done. Let me teach you. Learn from this,” as though your real connection does not measure up to their fantasy.
Narcissists live in a fantasy world where the real is preferable to the real. They immerse themselves in fabricated scenarios that are carefully edited to perfection, and they start believing that’s what intimacy should look like. Genuine connection, with its imperfections and emotional vulnerability, does not appeal to them because it requires effort and authenticity—things narcissists actively avoid. Instead, they cling to the superficiality and idealized version of intimacy, using it as a benchmark to criticize and control you.
Recommended Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
When they compare you to what they have seen on a screen, they’re sending the message that who you are and how you naturally connect is not enough. It’s an attack on your confidence, designed to make you feel inadequate and desperate to prove yourself. They enjoy the power this creates, as your insecurities make you more likely to bend to their demands. What makes it crazier is that they will frame these comparisons as helpful or necessary things, saying, “Oh, I’m just trying to make things better for both of us,” or “Why are you so sensitive about a little feedback?” But this is not feedback; it’s outright violation. It’s disrespect. It’s humiliation. It’s manipulation.
They keep prioritizing their fantasy over the real connection, which you keep trying to build, threatening you like a performer instead of a partner. The narcissist’s obsession with fantasy reveals their inability to engage with real emotional depth. They do not want to face the vulnerability and mutual effort that true intimacy requires to grow.
That said, I’m really curious to know which one of these habits you personally experienced with the narcissist. Please drop your answers in the comments because who knows, you might end up helping a lot of struggling survivors with that.
Read More: 5 Shocking Addictions All Narcissists Have.
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