Number 3: The Adoration they got from you.
They can’t find energy like you gave them, the energy they got from you, the supply you provided that they can’t find anywhere else. Narcissists are like sunflowers that constantly turn toward the sun, soaking up all the light and warmth. For narcissists, the sun is the adoration and energy they extract from those around them. The saturation is like a sweet nectar that validates their bloated sense of self-worth and feeds their narrative of being unparalleled. But when the sun sets for these human sunflowers, it feels like an endless chilling night. The absence of this adoration leaves them craving empathy. They hunger for the affirmations and admiration that once bathed their world in gold.
For More: 10 Things That The Narcissist Wants From You.
Recently, my narcissistic mother said, ‘What happened to this son who wouldn’t even stand the thought of living without me for a second? What happened to the son who loved me more than his life?’ All of that is true. I loved her more than my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of living or being without her for a second because that was my separation anxiety, that was my trauma bond with her. Her asking me these questions said everything that was going on in her emotional world. Me separating from her was an earth-shattering change itself. I felt sad for a moment, to be honest. And before that cognitive dissonance could take over, she did something so horrible that I was back at square one, seeing her for who she is.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Losing such a rich source is particularly devastating for a narcissist. They’ll scramble trying to find a replacement, but it’s like chasing a mirage. They yearn to quench their thirst, but the water is never as sweet. This loss becomes an obsession. They might stalk the person they lost or grill mutual friends for information. Again, that has been happening so much in my life. My narcissistic parents, particularly my narcissistic mother, has been grilling other relatives, has been going around and talking BS about me, and that is total crazymaking.
Related: 10 Things That Hurt Covert Narcissists To Their Core.
But in an indirect way, they may even attempt to replicate the relationship with someone new, only to be frustrated when the same level of adoration isn’t achieved. It’s not just about missing the adoration; it’s about the irreplaceability of it. The narcissist is akin to a collector who has lost their most prized possession: You. The rest of the collection pales in comparison, and there is a constant nagging awareness of the void left.
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