Face 1: Envy.
For a female covert narcissist, envy shows up in a subtle, insidious way. It’s not the boastful kind of jealousy that you might expect; it’s quieter and way more toxic. A dead giveaway for envy, whether it’s from a covert narcissist or not, is the underlining tone of “it must be nice.” This phrase, or variations of it, doesn’t make someone a narcissist per se, but it does reveal a simmering sense of envy.
For the covert narcissist, the feeling is chronic, calculated, and often used to try to control relationships without appearing openly combative. Her envy is a mixture of anger and bitterness wrapped in a deep, desperate longing. It’s rooted in a sense of abandonment, as though someone else’s success highlights her insignificance. She yearns not just for what others have, but also for the feeling of being more important, more admired, and more significant.
Now, everyday envy is something that most of us experience; it’s fleeting and often harmless. You might feel a pang of jealousy over someone’s promotion or their new car, but it passes, or it might even motivate you to improve your life. But covert narcissist envy is entirely different. It is not fleeting; it’s chronic and consuming. It’s not just “I wish I had that,” but “how dare they have that instead of me?”
Read More: 10 Signs You Are Having S£x With a Narcissist.
The female covert narcissist’s envy works in the shadows. She manipulates relationships subtly, bringing others down while maintaining an innocent facade. In her romantic partnerships, her envy might appear as quiet resentment or guilt-tripping. If her partner achieves something, she’ll find ways to shift the focus back to herself, leaving them feeling like they need to dim their own light just to maintain harmony.
In friendships or family dynamics, her envy can be equally destructive. She might disguise it as concern or humility, subtly downplaying someone else’s success to shift the admiration back to herself. She may also create guilt or conflict, pitting people against each other while casting herself as the victim. This manipulation is so veiled that it’s hard to recognize; the comments are carefully positioned to create this undercurrent of insecurity and guilt in those around her without ever being obvious. This is why envy is such a defining face of the female covert narcissist—it’s quiet, calculated, and deeply manipulative.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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