Number 4: They do not think the same moral codes apply to them as apply to you.
For example, you have to be loyal to them, no matter how many times they cheat on you. You cannot talk to anybody; you owe them loyalty; you have to be honest; you have to tell them the truth; you have to be completely transparent; you have to be present; you have to be compassionate; you have to be affectionate; you have to contribute; you have to raise their children; you have to earn; you have to give them all the freedom they ask of you; you cannot put any limitations on them. But when it comes to you, none of that is reciprocated by them. You don’t receive anything from them at all. You cannot have any freedom; there is extreme rigidity in the relationship; you cannot think about yourself. The moment you focus on this, your individuality, you’re called selfish, you’re called arrogant. The moment you derail from the set path, you become an enemy, and that triggers the devaluation.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
As long as you walk on the set path, as long as you act like a robot, and follow the instructions, you are on good terms with them; you will be in their good books. But the moment you express your uniqueness, your individuality, the moment you try to take care of yourself, you become their enemy. With the narcissist, you cannot have any uniqueness, or any personality to yourself; you cannot be you. You have to abandon being yourself to exist. They are crazy enough to believe that the rules they set for you cannot be applied to them. Basically, they are the biggest hypocrites you will ever come across. They want it their way, as you already know, which brings us to number five.
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