Number 1: Love Bombing.
Relationships with narcissists usually start off with something that looks like what we call love bombing. They come on super strong as the most amazing person, and it’s almost like a little bit overwhelming. They’re just in your face all the time. You almost can’t even breathe because they don’t want to give you a chance to think or anything like that. Right away, they’re making plans. They’re telling you how amazing you are, that you’re perfect, that they can be perfect for you.
If it’s in a business setting, they can bring you the best clients, the most money. They have all the right contacts. They have the best skills. Whatever it is you’re looking for, they’ve done it before. They’ve done it super successfully. They’re very good at honing in on whatever it is that they see that you want, or need, or would be good for you.
And so, they’ll do the same thing in text messages. Suddenly, you’re being love-bombed. You’re getting messages like, “You’re so beautiful. You’re so amazing. You’re so successful. I can’t believe I met someone like you. How lucky is it? We are perfect for each other. This whole thing is meant to be.” Maybe people will say things like that, and they’re not narcissists, obviously. But this is just one sort of little indication. If it feels like, “Oh my gosh, it’s a little much,” and they’re coming on really, really strongly, then maybe it’s a possibility that you’re being love-bombed by a narcissist.
Number 2: Talk a Lot About Themselves (Self-centred)
Every single time you’re in a text conversation with this person, they’re telling you what’s going on in their work, in their day, what’s happening with them, and all about their problems. They never really ask about you. Or it might just be sort of like an afterthought: “Oh yeah. Well, and how are you doing? Okay.” And then they never even respond to that. You tell them, and they don’t respond.
If there’s a lot of talk about themselves and a lot of talk about their own issues, you may find yourself spending quite a lot of time texting back and going on and on about helping them. Of course, if you’re getting into a relationship with this narcissist, you may be a person who feels very deeply for people, who wants to help people, who feels like you can save people, or who cares deeply.
You don’t mind helping this other person and pouring yourself into them. But then, at some point, you start to realize, “Well, wait a minute. They don’t actually ever ask about me.” At some point, the other person should be asking, “How is your day going?” or “What’s going on with you?” So, if there’s a whole lot of stuff about themselves, then maybe that’s an indication that you are texting with a narcissist.
Suggested Book: It’s Not You _ Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People.
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