Number 3: “What about your issues?”
When you try to say, “Hey, you didn’t take out the trash,” or, “You didn’t pick up the kids on time,” or, “You said that you would make dinner and you didn’t,” or whatever, some kind of thing—like you didn’t pay the bill and you said you were going to pay it—when you’re pointing out something to them that they did or didn’t do, they turn around and say, “Yeah, but you also have this,” or, “You said this before,” or, “It’s okay because you’ve done that.”
So they just turn it around and basically say, “Hey, because you’ve done it before,” or, “Because you have that issue.” They say, “Let’s not talk about me and my problem. Let’s certainly not make me take responsibility for anything, including my behavior, because let’s talk about you and your problems.” If this is all sounding super familiar to you, give me a “nailed it” in the comments.
Number 4: “I’m sorry, what more do you want from me?”
This is called a narcissistic faux apology. If you want to know more about whether a narcissist actually apologizes or means it if they do, make sure you check out my article on whether a narcissist apologizes, and if they do, do they mean it? Because I talk much more about the narcissistic faux apology and what’s going on when narcissists actually apologize.
A lot of times, what you’ll hear is: “I’m sorry I couldn’t be perfect for you. I’m sorry that you feel that way. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you wanted it to exactly. I’m sorry I couldn’t be exactly what you wanted,” or something like that. That’s not really an apology. It’s actually a manipulation, again turning it back onto you because now you’re the one who goes, “No, I didn’t mean that you’re not perfect. No, I didn’t mean that you…”
So now here you are, again, assuaging their ego back on them, back onto their ego. Get that focus off of whatever it is that you want; let’s get it back on to what we need to do to give them narcissistic supply.
Suggested Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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