4. They don’t see you as any worse or better than anyone else.
Really, narcissists kind of hate everyone, and everyone is on the same level, and they’re just kind of above them. The only exception is when they’re actively idealizing someone, and that someone could be you. So this is going on: they may think that you’re better than someone else, or if they’re triangulating you with someone else that they happen to be idealizing, then they, in that moment, may think that that person is better. But that’s really the only exception. And narcissists do very much triangulate when they don’t care about any of the players involved.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
The reason narcissists triangulate is simply to hurt you, to get an emotional reaction out of you, to get you to try harder for their affection. So don’t fall for it, even if they are idealizing someone else, It really doesn’t matter because it’s not going to last. And when they’re trying to triangulate you, essentially putting someone else above you, and this happens in family situations where a narcissistic parent will triangulate children against each other. Sometimes it’s one child exclusively, and sometimes the person that is on the pedestal changes from moment to moment.
In reality, this is all manipulation, and the narcissist doesn’t really care who’s the best or who’s the worst because everybody’s the same in their eyes. It comes from a deep loathing of themselves because how we see the world around us is a reflection of what’s going on inside. And this, on the flip side, is why self-love is so important because when you truly, truly love yourself, you’re going to see love reflected in the world around you.
5. They can be vengeful and seemingly loving at the same time.
This is something you’ll see if you have caused a narcissistic injury, a deep narcissistic injury, and the narcissist feels like he or she needs revenge against you. And also, that could be in the form of a discard. So you may have discarded the narcissist before they had a chance to discard you. And this causes a deep narcissistic injury. And this causes the narcissist to not just seek revenge but need revenge. So this is one of those things that most people can’t do. You can’t just turn it on for the purpose of hurting someone.
Think about it. Think about how truly wicked that really is, to pull out all the stops to make someone believe that you love them, to make someone feel good and safe, only for the purpose, for the sole purpose of pulling the rug out from under them and hurting them. That is not a normal thing to do. That is not something that an emotionally healthy person does or can do. If you have empathy, that is going to be something that is so incredibly difficult for you to do, even to a narcissist, even to someone who’s hurt you. It is that wicked.
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