Secret 6: I have been unfaithful to you all along.
What you recently got to know is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot to find out, which I know you will never find out because I am clever, I’m strategic, and I have always fooled you, and taken advantage of your trust in me. Do you remember the love bombing in the beginning? Well, it was nothing but a lie. I wanted you to believe that I am so and so and such as a person, but in reality, that was nothing but a lie, that was my biggest betrayal to you. Remember me devaluing you every single time I pointed out your flaws and said, ‘This is what is missing in you, and this is what you’re doing wrong, and this is the reason why you are the problem’?
Deep down, I knew you were not because that was the only way to escape taking responsibility. I had to say it. Lying is like breathing to me. I lie to you every single second that you spend with me. I have withheld so much information that if you were to find out, you would be blasted or you would be shook to your core. But I had to conceal it from you, you know? Otherwise, you would have left me earlier. I am nothing but a bag of dirty secrets, and I have kept them away from you for your own good. You see?
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Secret 7: Your pain is my joy, and your joy is my pain.
Call it sadism or what you want, but I love it when I see you falling apart, when I see you anxious because of me, when I see you tiptoeing, walking on eggshells, being hypervigilant because that makes me feel important, that makes me feel powerful. When you are afraid and you are hyper-tuned to my emotional state and you want to know more, I am in. I know what you’re trying to do. I love it. And your pain makes me feel happier than ever. Whenever you are struggling, I love to jump in and to help because I want to feel better. If not, I’ll leave you alone, and even if I am available, I’ll still not help you at all.
Your joy is my pain because I want to be better than you or at least be perceived as better than you. Anytime you accomplish or succeed at doing something, I feel like a failure. I personalize everything that you do. After all, it’s about me, isn’t it? I am the most important person, so whatever you do, impacts me, and that agitates me, which makes me punish you.
So it’s your fault, every time you achieve something bigger than my achievements, I have to downplay them. ‘You got a promotion? Now anybody can get that. You got a raise? Oh, that’s nothing, that’s pennies.’ When I know deep down that is a big thing, but now I can’t tell you that, otherwise you are going to be better than me, which I don’t want to happen. So I’ll bring you down, I’ll tear you up, and I will destroy your confidence. And I’m so insecure myself.
Read More: 7 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Alone.
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