Number 7: Establishing a new identity.
Sometimes, a narcissist may decide to reinvent themselves, which includes leaving behind their old life, relationships, and any connections that could remind them of their past failures or imperfections. In this quest for a new identity, they may discard their current partner to fully immerse themselves in their new life with their new partner, in a new environment, with a different circle of friends, and a lifestyle that better suits their new image. In this scenario, hoovering an ex back would undermine their efforts to distance themselves from their past and the person they supposedly used to be. But make no mistake: a snake is a snake, no matter how many times they shed their skin, and soon they will reveal their true colors once again, showing that their outward changes were merely superficial.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
After being discarded by a narcissist, you will likely spend an inordinate amount of time trying to unpack the relationship and figure out what happened. Eventually, you’ll realize that it wasn’t about you at all; it was about them and their insatiable need for validation and control. With a little investigative work, you’ll end up finding out about many of their lies and deceptions. You’ll discover that their charming facade masked a pattern of manipulative and deceitful behavior that extends far beyond you and your relationship. But maybe the worst thing about this whole thing is that you may still find yourself wanting them back despite all of this.
If this is you, then it is time to face reality, grieve the ghost you thought you knew, heal yourself, and recognize that you truly deserve better. Once you do this, you will become hoover-proof. Your ex probably won’t even try to get you back. It’s like they sense when the energetic highway has been closed for good, and if they try to get you back out of desperation, they will immediately realize that there are no detours, no way to get through to you. You have no pity for them, no anger towards them, no admiration, and no hope—simply indifference. They will quickly realize that you are no longer susceptible to their manipulations, and they will swiftly move on to an easier target.
Read More: 7 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Alone.
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