Reason 5: They utilize children as leverage.
A narcissistic parent uses their children as pawns to manipulate situations or individuals. Children are placed in the center of adult issues; they become the therapist, they become the mediators, and they become the one who carries the burden they do not have the capacity to carry. They become the one who resolves conflicts when they do not have any skills or capabilities to do so. They may use you as a pawn against the other parent, and the other parent may be a narcissist as well, then you are trapped in hell because you do not have anyone. They may use you to punish the other parent if they are the same one, and in most cases, you do not know you are being used.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
You wake up, but later, later down the line, when the damage has already been done, they use you to gain the upper hand over the situation. They use you to display to the public. They use you as their achievement as if you’re the one who brings glory. Well, that is how they perceive it. But you are not seen as you. There is no mental representation of an object relationship, any relationship with you except a relationship of supply, and the reception of supply does not exist.
Reason 6: You’re used to display a perfect family image.
Narcissistic parents harbor a deep-seated need to portray an image of the perfect family. This leads them to fixate on their children’s appearance, manners, and achievements as a reflection of their parenting. This focus on image rather than substance results in a relationship devoid of genuine emotional depth. Their selective treatment of their children leads to the creation of scapegoats, black sheep, and golden children. Those children who keep up with their standards, who always chase their goals, who always try to enable the narcissistic parent, lose their identity in the process of doing so, which is why most of the golden children become narcissists eventually.
The primary example of that is the relationship between a narcissistic son and his mother. While scapegoats, who are not as perfect as the golden child, are discarded, they get all the hatred, they get all the abuse, and they get everything that the narcissistic parent has to offer. They are not fair in their parenting; they do not treat their children equally.
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