Narcissists create chaos in the relationship with you because they’re chaotic on the inside. With or without you, they don’t know how to manage life well. They don’t take responsibility for who they are; they continue to put it onto everybody else. Since they have chaos on the inside of themselves, it’s only predictable that it’s going to be a primary feature in the way that they engage with you.
The second insight
Another primary insight for you to hold on to is you’re not the first, nor will you be the last person who’s going to fall into disfavor with them. They’re constantly looking for that person who’s going to make them feel great. When you think about it, well, that’s an impossible task for anyone. It’s not that other person’s job to give them that supply, but they go seeking it anyway, which means it’s going to happen all over again.
Recommended Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
The third insight
Another insight is that these are psychologically empty individuals. They set themselves up for repetitive failure because they mistakenly assume that happiness is a byproduct of fitting people inside their agenda. Of course, that’s not it at all; they don’t get it.
So when you see this happening and when they let you know, “Well, I’m done with you. I’ve been trying to exploit you, and it hasn’t been going well,” I’m hoping you can pull back, take a deep breath, and then remind yourself, “I get to be free.” This person has been wanting to project themselves onto me and make me full of who they are. In doing so, I wind up having to live inside their parameters, and I don’t have to do that anymore. I’m not going to do that anymore.
Now, I know there’s going to be a great deal of pain because of other circumstances that can go along with it. But I’m hoping that as you let them know that you don’t want to be exploited, they get frustrated with you. You realize what they’re trying to do is imprison you. The bottom line is simply this: you don’t need to be held inside anyone’s cage. I hope that’s a message they receive, and if they don’t, I hope that’s a mindset that you can stay with. You’re free.
Read More: 10 Weird Behaviors Narcissistic Abuse Victims Develop Over Time.
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