Number 5: The pitiful smile that a narcissist puts on their face.
The pitiful smile that a narcissist puts on their face to say, “I’m happy for you, but I’m the real victim here.” You may get to see this facial expression mostly in covert, vulnerable narcissists who thrive on their victimhood. They want everybody to think they’re the biggest martyr in the room and they deserve all the attention. They show their disappointment through passive aggression. That’s what they do, and underneath that victim facade lies a secondary psychopath who is murderous, who can do anything to take revenge.
That sad, pitiful smile is a signal the person is sending out to everyone around them – the “sources of supply,” the enablers, the “flying monkeys.” What they’re saying with that smile is: “Feel bad for me because I deserve the award or accomplishment that someone else got. I should have been the one to get it, not them. They didn’t even do the work for it. But what can I do? I’m the victim here, I’m always the one who gets wronged.” That’s the message they’re conveying through that pitiful, sad expression – they’re trying to paint themselves as the victim who was unfairly denied something they deserved. They’re using that expression to get sympathy and validation from the people around them.
It’s a way for them to communicate this whole narrative and perspective, without actually having to say the words out loud. The sad smile is their way of sending that signal to everyone in their life.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Number 6: The head shaking no when you’re doing something that makes you happy.
This facial expression can mean different things, but the main thing it’s saying is: “I don’t acknowledge or validate what you’re doing. I think you’re stupid and you’re just wasting your time. You’ll never succeed, you’re a failure and you always will be.” It’s a way of putting you down and making you feel invalidated. Covert narcissists use this expression a lot. That’s why covert narcissistic abuse is so painful – they hurt you without physically hitting you. It’s like a “death by a thousand cuts.” The cuts come from constant invalidation, rejection, and disapproval. How can someone take that kind of treatment continuously for years? The key is that this expression is a way for the narcissist to make you feel worthless and incapable, without ever actually saying the hurtful words out loud. It’s a subtle but very damaging form of abuse.
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