7. “You’re Not Here for Me / You Disappoint Me!”
“I’ve decided to divorce my wife. After three years of marriage, she hasn’t met the performance criteria I’ve set. I’m very disappointed in her.”
— Anonymous narcissist
People with strong narcissistic traits often expect constant attention and sacrifices from others. These demands make them feel powerful and important. But when someone close to them starts to be independent or puts their own needs first, the narcissist often gets upset. They may react with anger, blame the other person, and use words like “selfish,” “disappointing,” or “not supportive.”
But in truth, the narcissist is acting like a child who’s mad they didn’t get their way.
If you’re being blamed or criticized like this, take a moment to ask yourself:
- Am I being treated with real respect?
- Are their demands fair?
- Does this relationship feel one-sided?
- Do I feel good about myself when I’m around this person?
If your answers are mostly “no,” then it might not be you who’s the problem—it may be the narcissist who isn’t really there for you.
Suggested: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
8. “I’m Sorry / l’ll Change.”
Because narcissists often live in lies and pretend to be someone they’re not, their actions eventually catch up with them. When this happens, they may face serious consequences—like being cut off from family, getting divorced, having legal problems, or damaging their reputation at work or in their personal life.
In these tough moments, some narcissists will suddenly admit they were wrong, promise to change, and ask for forgiveness. They might even seem sincere—and maybe they believe it themselves. But be careful. Psychologist Johnson warns that many narcissists don’t seek help to truly change. Instead, they just want to manage the crisis and make the problem go away. Once the situation improves, they often return to their manipulative behavior. When a narcissist says, “I’ll change,” what they often mean is, “I just want this problem to disappear”—not, “I want to become a better person.”
Can a narcissist really change for the better? Maybe—but only if they become deeply self-aware and are willing to go through the hard, honest work of self-reflection. If they truly want to stop pretending and build real, meaningful relationships, there is a way forward.
Read More: 4 Scary S£xµal Habits of a Narcissist.
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