3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?
When I’m around strangers, or you’re around strangers, or people that you don’t know very well, you certainly want to be friendly and pleasant. But narcissists, when they see people that don’t know them very well, they’re thinking, this is a blank slate here, and I get to write whatever story I want to write. And so, the strangers represent shallowness and superficiality in the sense that they just don’t know what they don’t know. So the narcissists can think well, I’m going to let you know how terrific I am and so they can make up all sorts of stories, or embellish how wonderful they are.
They’re fishing for admiration. So, when they have somebody that doesn’t have the advantage of knowing some of the behind-the-scenes stuff, it’s Like, I’ll get admiration from them. They’ll walk away thinking, what a really nice person! When in fact, it’s all phony. True affirmation, love, and encouragement come as we know each other’s fullness, pluses, and minuses, not just the superficial stuff. That’s another truth that’s lost on the narcissist.
4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?
If you interpret things differently, or if you have a different emotional reaction, or if you have a different preference, it’s like, why are you doing this to me? It threatens them. It’s because they have no empathy, they have no notion of what other people have. Empathy means that you’re willing to see life from another person’s perspective. And for them it’s like, I don’t have any curiosity about you, how you think and how you feel, and I have no desire for another perspective.
So it’s, of course, your differentness threatens them, in the sense that it says, you’re not the center of the universe. At this moment, it’s like, oh yes, I am. And so their lack of interest in you reflects their need to be the center of attention at all times.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
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