Number 1: They avoid social situations.
The one thing that normal narcissists know how to do is charm people and socialize. They are great at influencing others to be their friend or spouse, or we can call it luring them in. Covert narcissists are the opposite. Coverts have a tendency to avoid social situations. They usually don’t show interest in socializing as they find it unnecessary. They can usually make friends when people come up to them and start a conversation, but they avoid making the first move.
Covert narcissists also are not as charming as regular narcissists. They won’t flatter strangers to get their attention but they are mostly there to take up space in the room. These moments of refusal to socialize are usually anxiety-provoking. Coverts usually have high anxiety and social anxiety and this causes their social skills to shut down. They are emotionally unavailable to others so they fear conversations because they are afraid people will see them for who they truly are.
With their inability to empathize, they seek out others who appear to be like them. How does that saying go? Birds of a feather flock together? That typically describes covert narcissists. Covert narcissists will usually socialize with someone who does not have emotional baggage with them. It helps them feel more comfortable in this stressful situation. This is not saying that coverts will never socialize, which they will, but it’s rare.
Number 2: They get depressed frequently.
It can be hard to imagine someone who has such a high standard of themselves getting depressed or sinking into a self-loathing pity party. It does happen though. Many covert narcissists have such unrealistic expectations of themselves that they can find themselves in a depressive state if the goals are not met. They fear failure and for anyone to see that failure as well.
Covert narcissists do not take confrontation too well and can become depressed if they feel like someone can see who they really are. They are scared that people to see that they do not empathize with others like normal people do. They don’t want to appear weird or different. And they become frustrated with themselves really easily and they start to believe they have it so much worse than others do.
Even though they are narcissists, covert narcissists can form suicidal thoughts if they are pushed enough or if someone picks up on who they really are. This can be tough to see in a narcissist because they like to appear as well put together as possible but they find themselves drowning at times.
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