#4: “Is that really what you think of me? You’re so hurtful.”
Now, this is a way of guilting someone for pointing out their toxic behavior. It’s also a form of gaslighting, having someone doubt their own experience over how they have been treated, leading them to believe that they are at fault for feeling hurt.
A common thing for them to say would be something along the lines of, “How can you think that of me? You know I’m not like that. You know I’m not vindictive. You know I really love you.” Now, sometimes it can be hard to figure out if narcissists are delusional or if they’re just in denial. But following on from the guilt-tripping, another one is:
Related: 10 Nonverbal Abuse Tactics.
#5: “After all I’ve done for you.”
That’s usually said with the heaviest of hearts; either that or it’s said with spite. An example of this could be the victim does anything at all that disappoints them, doesn’t meet their expectations or whatever, it’s, “I put you on a pedestal, and this is how you treat me.” What they’re doing is holding someone else responsible for not meeting their expectations.
#6: I’ve come across this one many times: is to intellectualize.
This could involve, say, convoluted word salad or circular reasoning. But common phrases are things like, “That shouldn’t have had to happen,” or, “You shouldn’t have had to hear that.” Other common phrases would be things like, “Shall we explore why I had to say that?” or, “Why I had to do that?” What you will hear is anything except, “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have done that,” or, “I shouldn’t have said that.”
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