#7: Confusion.
Another common tactic—and yes, it’s another one I’ve been on the wrong end of many times—is confusion. This is not just a narcissist trying to confuse their victim with nonsensical circular reasoning, but acting as if they haven’t a clue what’s going on. You know, remember the “I’m innocent” part. So what this sounds like is often, “I don’t understand. What? What do you mean? What is it again? When was this? Are these my feet? What was the question again?” And this can drive the victim insane as they try to explain themselves over and over again, even in the most plain, simple language. What the narcissist is doing is refusing to accept any responsibility.
After a while, the victim can just get so frustrated; they are at their wits’ end. They just kind of get through, and sometimes they end up losing their temper. They may raise their voice or whatever, but the next thing you know, the narcissist plays the victim card; the narcissist is now the one who’s being abused because they’re being shouted at, they’re being sworn at, or whatever.
Now, these tactics are devaluing; they are invalidating to the victim. It can leave them feeling incredibly frustrated or humiliated, and after a while, the long-term effects of that could be that the victim is afraid to mention anything at all that could be considered contentious.
Read More: 3 Secrets All Narcissists Keep.
#8: Triangulation.
Now, where I think this differs from the overt narcissist is that the overt narcissist can openly threaten to tell others about you. The covert narcissist will often do this in a way to imply they have already had a conversation. It’s like, “You know, you just came up innocently in a conversation, and they mentioned your behavior, and the other person was absolutely aghast at it.” “My mum was really hurt that you,” “Dave was really offended that you,” “My dad was shocked that you”—on and on it goes.
And other times, it may be something like, “Others are saying this about you.” “Others are saying this; you know, they’re telling me about you; they have noticed these things about you as well.” Again, it’s triangulating the victim. It’s having the victim feel as if they’re being hit from all sides.
Maybe they start to believe that other people are believing the narcissist; other people are all saying the same things, so maybe the fault does lie with me. Another example of that could be, for example, being at a social gathering, a family get-together or whatever, and afterwards the narcissist says to their victim something like, “They were all wondering what they had done to hurt and offend you. They said you were really rude, and they said you were abrupt,” and the victim’s left thinking, “I said hello; how are you? Haven’t seen you in a while.” And they’re trying to second-guess themselves. What is it they did? How did they behave? How exactly did they hurt or offend these other people?
Suggested Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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