#9: The silent treatment.
It’s all picture, no sound—pretty much ignoring the victim. Maybe one-word answers, if that, or being very abrupt. Now, this is usually when the target, the victim, doesn’t comply, doesn’t obey, doesn’t do something in their own best interest—something that the narcissist just doesn’t like. And that silent treatment, more often than not, can be accompanied by showing everyone else loads of exaggerated, friendly attention. In other words, “I like everybody else more than you.”
And it is a way of devaluing their victim. It is a way of showing the victim how little they matter, how little they care. It’s a way of having the victim trying to figure out what they have to do in order to get some kind of attention back. And that silent treatment, that kind of behavior usually lasts until the victim apologizes. When you think about it, the victim is actually apologizing usually for how they feel about how they’re being treated.
Related: 2 Things a Covert Narcissist Does Not Want You to Know.
#10: “Lucky for you, I wish I was happy.”
I tend to liken this to emotional hoovers. This is the narcissist who just wants to suck all the joy out of their victims to make them feel guilty for having any kind of happiness, any kind of pleasure, any kind of success that they may dare to have. And as much as the victim may try to cheer them up, lift their mood, solve their problems, this is the kind of narcissist for whom every solution will have a problem. Every goal will have an obstacle. Every silver lining will have a cloud. The plan here, I think, is to keep the victim working as hard as they can just to make them feel better. And it is draining. The victim ends up feeling drained of all emotional, mental, and physical energy. But then, you know what? Chances are that’s the narcissist’s goal. After all, they love the attention they’re getting.
Suggested Book: It’s Not You _ Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People.
#11: “If you don’t give me what I want, if you say no, if you leave me, I’ll die, and it’ll be all your fault.”
Again, this could involve an illness or physical condition of some kind, making the other person responsible for their well-being to look after them. But to the extent that the victim is denied any kind of life of their own whatsoever, even to the point where sometimes the narcissist may openly threaten to harm themselves. So pretty much they’re telling the victim, “It’s up to you to keep me safe, to stop me from doing this.”
I tend to think that it’s like a spoiled child—a spoiled child who threatens never to breathe again unless they get that toy that they want. And I know this might sound cold, but the truth is, anything anybody does is their choice. Narcissists are the same; no one makes them do anything. But when they do threaten something like that, whenever they do threaten, I liken that to someone beating themselves over the head with a frying pan and screaming, “Look at what you’re making me do.” Now, it really doesn’t make any sense, does it? Nor are we responsible for other people’s behaviors.
So, there are just a few of the common tactics of the covert narcissist—how they use these tactics to control, manipulate, coerce, and shame their victims. If there’s anything I’ve missed, please feel free to share them. Use the comment box below, and I’m interested in some of the interesting conversations that are starting around these articles.
Read More: 14 Things Narcissists Say to Gaslight You.
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