2. Grieve the loss.
Next, we have to grieve or mourn the loss. And I know this may sound crazy, but even abusive relationships are still relationships. And when they’re gone or lost, we can feel really sad about it. People assume that just because abuse took place, we must hate them or be angry. But often, we just feel sad. We miss them. And maybe we still love them.
Even though we know that it’s best that we aren’t together in a relationship and ignoring these feelings, isn’t gonna make us feel any better. But allowing ourselves to feel the loss and grieve all that we had hoped the relationship could be, is helpful.
Not to mention that narcissists can love to bomb us, which can make us feel intensely cared about and loved. We can get overwhelmed by the amount of attention and affection they’re showing us. And we can start imagining just how wonderful of a love story or friendship this is gonna be.
All of these dreams and beliefs that we had, need to be grieved. So know that it’s okay to miss them, wish things were different, and still love them. Just don’t forget why it ended and that you are better off without them, and the abuse that they come along with. We could also maybe need to grieve the loss of who we were before the abuse happened.
Related: Things NEVER To Do with A Narcissist
Many of my patients have felt like something was taken from them when they were abused, and they hate that it’s tainted the way that they look at the world and relationships in general. Allow yourself the time to grieve that. Recognize what you’ve lost. And consider if there are ways that you can get that back. And if not, a process that loss and upset.
I know this part is really hard, and we can want to run away from all that we feel. But trust me when I tell you it’s actually better for us. If we let the grief come on and have our therapist support us through it, rather than stuffing it down and having it pop up later when we’re maybe dealing with something else.
Overall, I just want you to know that however you feel during this time, it’s okay, this is your recovery process. And it’s okay to feel a whole mix of emotions about it.
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