When a narcissist knows you’re on to them, they have one desperate move left. Redefining reality through language. So, they take the very words you’re using to hold them accountable and twist them with an Uno reverse card, making you spend all of your energy defending yourself instead of addressing their actions.
So, let’s break down the six words they change, what they really mean to them, and how to stop taking the bait.
#1: Let’s start first with the one word that means the most to you. Love.
And you’re pretty sure you know what love is and isn’t. But if you don’t hold strong to your definitions, the narcissist will gladly rewrite them to fit their narrative. So, when you start pulling back or even maybe pushing back on their nonsense, the word love tends to get thrown around lightly, and this is when they act like love means putting up with whatever they throw your way. And if you ask any narcissist, they’ll probably tell you that love means not questioning them and not setting boundaries. And even if they don’t tell you that outright, they’ll show you with their actions because the minute you start setting boundaries or asking questions, their love gets withdrawn fast.
This might look like the silent treatment, stonewalling, or maybe a fit of rage. All things that are not done with love. And if you question that behavior, they’ll revert into full child mode and say that you withdrew your love first, meaning that you questioned them or you set a boundary. So, you start keeping the peace just to keep that connection going and you end up downplaying your own needs and making yourself smaller and smaller. And little by little, your voice becomes a threat to the relationship. Because in their version of love, there is no space for truth, only loyalty and only on their terms.
And the worst part is that it still can sound like love because it’s intense and it’s emotional and sometimes even passionate. But it’s not love if it costs you your freedom. So, if you felt like being true to yourself means risking the relationship, I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that wasn’t love. It was control. And this one is the most insidious because when someone rewrites the meaning of love, they know they don’t have to work hard to take away your power. They’re banking on you giving it away freely for the sake of the relationship.
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