4. Monitoring Access to Money.
A popular coercive control tool that narcissists use to control their victims is by monitoring or limiting access to money. Narcissists are famous for utilizing financial abuse as a form of coercive control. In fact, I have never seen a case of narcissistic abuse where financial abuse was not included. Whether the narcissist controls all the money and limits access, or makes you ask for money and keeps tabs on what you spend or takes advantage of your money, spending without any limitations and taking advantage of your finances or credit.
I have had both aspects happen to me. My father was the controlling financial abuser, and my ex was spending and entitled financial abuser of my money. Every single time I would have to send my child to his father’s, he would take the money I had sent with him before they even got out of the airport parking lot, literally. That was the first thing he would do, is demand our son to give him all of the money that I sent with him for visitation.
These people are all financial abusers and they could care less if they financially abuse and exploit you or a child. All they care about is establishing and maintaining complete control of every person and situation, and exploiting and controlling everyone’s finances are a very effective way that they achieve this control.
A Wonderful Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Those are some of the most common ways narcissists utilize coercive control, but there are many other tactics that are considered coercive control, such as, not allowing you to work or go to school, stocking, lots of stocking, restricting your access to transportation, gaslighting, name-calling, degrading and humiliating you, turning your children against you and alienating the kids from you, which, in my opinion, is the most disgusting and evil form of coercive control. They may even threaten your kids, their safety, or your pets.
These are all examples of coercive control. And again, this is a very severe, cruel, and dangerous form of domestic violence and child abuse. And is finally considered a crime in the united kingdom, and I am so hopeful that soon the united states and all other countries will follow making coercive control a crime, punished by the loss of their freedom, meaning jail.
The only way narcissists are going to change their behavior is if they consistently face consequences only they personally don’t enjoy; meaning money and a lot of it in their freedom, meaning jail time. You are not ever going to reach the logical part of the narcissist brain or the empathetic part of their heart where they realize their behavior is harming their “loved ones”. They could care less that what they are doing is abusive and damaging their victims.
The only thing they care about is themselves. Therefore, the solution to get changed behavior from the narcissist must come from serious and consistent consequences that affect them personally and that they are extremely unpleasant for them. Nothing else is going to work; what they are doing is criminal and it needs to finally be treated as such.
Read More: 10 Things Narcissists Think You Owe Them
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