Number 3: They Criticize You.
A covert narcissist will act like they are doing you a grand favor by being so honest with you, or they’ll wrap their criticism in a so-called compliment. For example, they might say, “You’re actually pretty smart for someone who didn’t even go to college,” or “I admire how confident you are even though you’re not conventionally attractive.” If you call them out on insulting you, they’ll say it was meant as a compliment or a joke, accuse you of being overly sensitive, or claim you are taking things the wrong way.
Number 4: They offer Unsolicited Advice.
Narcissists offer a ton of unsolicited advice. They can’t seem to just listen and be supportive. Where a grandiose narcissist will overtly assert their opinions and advice and tell you what your problem is, even though you never asked, a covert narcissist will typically give their advice in more subtle and passive-aggressive ways. For example, let’s say you’re stressed out at work. A narcissist might feign concern for a brief moment, especially if there’s any gossip to be had. But then, they’ll go on to talk about when they had this exact same problem, or offering any genuine support. They typically get very offended if you don’t agree with their suggestions or immediately act on them. In reality, they just want to hear themselves talk, be validated, and act superior by telling you what’s best for you.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse.
Number 5: Playing the Victim.
Covert narcissists excel at playing the victim in various situations, manipulating narratives to portray themselves as being misunderstood and treated unfairly. You will not be able to finish a story without them interrupting to share how they’ve suffered worse than you. It’s a lot of “poor me” and how everyone is to blame for whatever problems they’re having. A narcissist is never ever the bad guy in their story, no matter how badly they’ve behaved. Pay attention when someone is quick to blame others but always has excuses for their own bad behavior, unable to take any accountability for their role in the recurring relationship problems they’re having.
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