Clue #5: Sensitivity to criticism.
Have you ever been caught off guard by someone’s defensiveness or even aggressive reaction to what you thought was a mild comment or even something neutral? This is our final clue for spotting a narcissist in a conversation: a pronounced sensitivity to criticism. Interestingly, for narcissists, even the absence of complete compliance or wholehearted agreement can be misconstrued as judgment or criticism. Narcissists often operate under a binary perception of interactions—you’re either with them or you’re against them. This mindset leads to a scenario where deviations from their views or simply offering a different perspective can trigger a defensive or aggressive response. Even a neutral comment or a question intended to clarify can be perceived as an attack.
When you’re an empathetic person, you’ll naturally pick up on this sensitivity, and you might unconsciously avoid saying anything to trigger this. You might know that certain topics are touchy, or you might feel that you need to outwardly agree with their position, even though you inwardly don’t. But this isn’t a healthy strategy because you need to be willing to share your point of view so that you can pay attention to how they handle it. You miss valuable information if you avoid conflict.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
When you’re navigating a conversation with someone who seems to see disagreement as a personal attack, it’s crucial to have a strategy that tests their openness to other perspectives without triggering defensiveness. The perspective check is designed precisely to do this. Our empathy is important, but too much of it can cause us to prioritize other people’s voices over our own. And the perspective check isn’t just a skill to check for potential narcissists; it’s a tool for every conversation. It’ll help you remain present and heard so that you can embody your empathetic nature without losing yourself in the process.
So, start by expressing your own experience or belief in a gentle way, followed by an invitation for the other person’s perspective. You could say something like, “I really love the Avett Brothers; what kind of music do you like?” Then, carefully watch how they respond to your sharing. Are they listening and engaging with respect? Are they too eager to agree? Or are they dismissive or perhaps even belittling? You’re looking for someone who is at ease having their own perspective without needing to conform to your idea or being threatened by a different opinion. So, mastering the perspective check is essential for anyone, especially those of us with high empathy, to make sure that we don’t lose sight of our own voice.
Read More: 7 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Alone.
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