3. ”I know you’re feeling uncomfortable…”
A third phrase that you’ll not hear a narcissist use, and that is, ‘I know you’re feeling uncomfortable right now. Let’s talk about that.’ In relationships, how many times do we engage with one another only to have certain emotions or interpretations come along that create disappointment, annoyance, surprise, intrigue, or anger? Healthy individuals pick up on that kind of stuff with each other and say, ‘Hey, look, I noticed something’s going on. Let’s talk about it.’ And the topic can be a bearing one of many broad topics that we could pick out. It implies empathy; it implies that we need to learn how to see behind the scenes in someone else’s life and go there.
Narcissists are like, ‘Look, if you’re feeling uncomfortable, knock it off. You’re making me uncomfortable; you’re getting in my way.’ And so they just see that as being a nuisance. ‘You’re a nuisance; quit bothering me. Let’s move on to something that’s much simpler, much more conducive to what I want in the moment.’
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
4. ”Will you forgive me?”
A fourth phrase you will not hear from a narcissist, and check me on this one, and that is, ‘Will you forgive me?’ And then they’ll actually name what they need to be forgiven for. Narcissists think competitively, and they like being at the top of the stack. And so if they have to admit that they’ve done something that warrants forgiveness, that means they’ve taken themselves, in their mind, off the top of the stack, and they’ve just become a regular person. It’s like, ‘I don’t do that. I have to maintain my superior position; I have to be in control.’ Forgiveness or acknowledging the need for it implies vulnerability, and am I about to go to that? And they feel like they’re losing ground when, in fact, actually, they gain credibility. But they can’t think like that; they just see that as taking a step backward.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
