1. Look for bridge responses.
The first way to spot a lying narcissist is to look for bridge responses. Now, bridge responses aren’t always a bad thing. This one is definitely about context, but bridge responses are used as a way to get out of sharing information. And you may have heard people recommend that you do this on a job interview if somebody’s asking you something that you don’t have a good answer for. And you can also use a bridge response if somebody’s really just being nosy and they’re probing for information that’s really none of their business. But a narcissist will use bridge responses to avoid answering questions that they very much should answer, things that in a relationship they should take responsibility for or at least discuss.
So what does a bridge response look like? Well, a typical bridge response is kind of something like, “Well, I don’t know about that, but I do know this other thing,” or they could give you a very vague answer and then redirect, “Where were you yesterday?” “Oh, I went out after work, and you know what that reminds me, I wanted to tell you this other thing.” So that is a bridge response. It is essentially taking control of the conversation and redirecting it away from the topic at hand.
2. The use of passive voice.
The second way to spot a lying narcissist is the use of passive voice. In grammar, passive voice is when you hide the subject of the sentence. So let’s look at an example of how a narcissist might use this to lie. Here’s what it looks like. “Hey, have you been drinking?” The narcissist responds, “One glass of wine has been had.” That’s passive voice, and it hides the subject. It doesn’t tell you who had the glass of wine. Interestingly enough, that sentence doesn’t tell you how many glasses of wine were had or if any were had beyond the one. These answers always leave questions. And if you start probing, if you start asking these questions, you’re definitely going to get a whole bunch of word salad or just an outright angry response.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse (A Guide To Narcissistic Abuse Recovery And Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship)
The reason why they do this, and the reason why it is infuriating but tends to work, is because it’s kind of a loophole, right? So let’s say the narcissist was out, and they could have had ten shots of tequila, but somebody else had one glass of wine. So, is it a lie to say one glass of wine was had? I mean, kind of, because that’s not what you asked, but it’s really a gray area. And also, the narcissist is not admitting to anything, right? “One glass of wine was had” means that somebody had a glass of wine. It doesn’t mean that they did. Now, that’s definitely the implication because why would they say that if they weren’t involved, but it’s not outright saying it. And whenever somebody responds to you in this way, pay attention because there’s something going on. They’re avoiding saying something.
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