1. It builds up slow
“When I was with my ex, the manipulation was so sneaky. He started slow. If I wanted to see my family or friends, he would say something like, “Ok, but I will miss you.” It came off as kind of sweet, but it was manipulation. It slowly built from there. I would go out for friends and he would tell me to have fun, but when I would come home, I would be met with “I really missed you. What did you guys do? Where did you go? Who was there?”
After a while, it became easier to not go anywhere and see my friends or family than deal with his guilt trips and endless questions. When my family and friends saw what was happening and talked to me about it, my ex would pin us against each other, so I ended up resenting my family for trying to break us up.
It is easy for someone who has never dealt with this to say “Well why did not you just leave him? but the way he did it was so sneaky. He acted as if he cared about me, and the well-being of our relationship, but he was just manipulating me. And on top of cutting me off from family and friends, he would throw insults and personal attacks into conversations with me.
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This went on for years before the physical abuse even started. So by the time the hitting started, I was totally dependant on him. He was the only person I had. He was also a gaslighter. When I would get upset with him about the way he was treating me, he would say things like, “I just care about you. You have no reason to be upset. You are acting like a crazy person.” I ended up believing that I was wrong and that I should be grateful for the way he was treating me.
It was a very slow progression and I did not even realize what exactly was happening to me. It’s really hard to walk away from a situation like that when you’ve been made to feel utterly alone, like a crazy person who should be thankful someone loves you.
To this day, almost eight years since I left, he still has that power over me. I do not even know what a healthy relationship looks like anymore.
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