Reason 3: They love the control and compliance in the pre-adolescence age.
Adding to what I just said, as children grow, especially between the ages of 3 and 15, they’re less likely to question authority, aren’t they? This is a phase when the narcissistic parent finds it easier to mold you according to their image, which may be mistaken for fondness but is more about control and compliance. They choose what you study, they choose a school you go to, they choose your friends, everything is shaped by them. You do not have an identity of yours; you just become an extension of theirs. And if you try to express your individuality, your separateness, your differences in any way, differences from them, differences that make you a completely unique individual, you are seen as trouble, and the alarm goes off in their head, and the attack begins.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Reason 4: Their love is very conditional.
A characteristic trait in the relationship between a narcissistic parent and their children is the conditionality of affection. Because a parent is supposed to show unconditional positive regard towards their children. It doesn’t mean unconditional enabling, of course not. It just means accepting the child for who they are, for what they are. But the love of a narcissistic parent is very conditional. It is transactional, it is performance-based. You are only then seen as deserving of their love, that is when you get their attention, positive attention. If not, you are devalued, you are eventually discarded. Love and attention are often contingent on the child’s ability to meet the parent’s expectations, especially in terms of reflecting positively on them.
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