Number 3: Gaslighting.
This may be the most common tactic used by people who are narcissists. This is a tactic used by narcissists who feel like they don’t have enough control over their significant other. The abuser’s goal is to convince the victim that they are mentally unstable or they don’t have enough control over their own thoughts and feelings.
In most cases, the person gaslighting uses narcissistic manipulation techniques such as convincing the victim of what really happened in a situation or what is best for them in life. They want the victim to feel like they are the glue of the relationship; the abuser wants the victim to need them even more. Most victims at the beginning of the abuse start to notice the small forms of emotional manipulation, and when they start to speak out, the narcissist will begin to gaslight the victim, telling them that it’s all in their head.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
If convinced, the victims start to question their own reality; they let the abuser take complete control of the relationship and their own feelings. One gaslighting technique to look out for is denial. Denial is used when the victim speaks out or questions the abuser on something they did wrong, and the abuser denies everything and then moves on to trivializing.
Trivializing is a complex word for a simple tactic. They continually tell the victim to stop being sensitive or too dramatic when they’re upset over what the abuser did. There are many gaslighting tactics out there, but those two are the most used and can intertwine with each other. Gaslighting is also considered a defense tactic of abuse because the abuser puts themselves on the defensive side by making the victim appear as though they are mentally unstable or aggressive.
Number 4: Triangulation.
Triangulation is a narcissistic control tactic used often as a way to get rid of any outside influence on the victim. The abuser attempts to convince the victim that a person in his or her life is a bad influence and doesn’t want the relationship to work, or the victim to be happy. This is usually used when people outside of the relationship begin to notice and try to tell the victim about their toxic relationship.
When confronted by the victim about the accusations, the abuser will then direct and blame the friend or family. They’ll claim that it’s all the victim’s fault for letting people who are against the relationship be involved in it. They can convince the victim that the accuser is just against the relationship and they’re picking the friend or family over them. This can cause the victim to question or have self-doubt in choosing people to associate with that are not their partner.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Many times, you can spot this happening in your relationship if your partner is against any friends or family who are not 100 % on their side. They’re usually passive-aggressive towards that person or make small comments frequently about them. Usually, they make enough that it starts getting into the victim’s head that it is everyone against them. Remember, most of the time these accusations from the abuser are false or exaggerated, but seem real to the abuser and eventually the victim.
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