Number 7: “It’s your fault.”
So, when a relatively healthy and empathic person has a legitimate reaction to the pain the narcissist inflicts, whether it be one big shocking attempt to gaslight you or some colossal lie you’ve uncovered. For example, if they’ve lied to you about something either outright or by calculated omission, any lie, big or small, and the discovery of that lie naturally has a negative impact on your relationship, no matter what has gone on, it will be all your fault. According to them, you’ll be to blame for if nothing else not being able to handle the truth. And this, of course, will be because you have issues.
Crazy-making soul-destroying stuff, but this is the reality when dealing with narcissistic people. It doesn’t have to make sense as long as they can sidestep responsibility, they’re good. And here’s what’s true. No matter what they say to you, no matter how they spin, twist, distort reality, or rewrite history to suit their own needs, you, my friend, are not responsible for the destructive way that they show up in your relationship. You are not now, nor have you ever been responsible for another person’s choice, actions, behavior, or attitude towards you or anyone else no matter what they say. You’re responsible for you, period.
Related: 10 Secrets Narcissists Don’t Want You To Know.
Number 8: “You’re so damaged.”
A narcissist will manipulate you into believing that you’re safe with them, so you share your heart and your history only to then use your disclosures as ammunition against you. It feeds their sick little ego to hone in on your history because it takes the focus off of their present. They want you to believe that you’re damaged goods, you’re not whole, and you’re unworthy because you are less likely to leave if you’re buying the nonsense. If they can keep you believing the lie that you’re not good enough and sell you on the notion of just how fortunate you are to have them in your life, how grateful you should be that they pay any attention to you at all, they’ve got you where they want you, you’re a reliable source of narcissistic supply and that works for them.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
The problem with this and the reason this works at all ever is that anyone who has suffered this type of emotional and psychological abuse for any length of time may actually come to see the narcissist as a higher power in their lives. When we put another human being on a pedestal and see them as above ourselves, we are quite literally making them a higher power. And highly empathic, untreated co-dependence, especially those with a history of being cast as the family scapegoat will do this with family members as well as friends, bosses, and romantic partners.
If you believe that the narcissist is a power greater than yourself with more value and therefore authority over you, your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and decisions. If you’ve fallen for the illusion that the narcissist is the bearer of truth and that you’re as unworthy as they say, and therefore you should be grateful to receive anything from anyone ever, you’re in big trouble. First of all, never make another human being a higher power in your life. If you’ve done this, don’t be hard on yourself, it’s a side effect of long-term exposure to emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse. And you can heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, but it’s up to you to make the choice and actually do the work. Regardless, if you’re looking at anyone in your life as a higher power, you’ve got work to do. It’s time to give yourself a gift now.
Read More: 5 Sadistic Things Narcissists Find Entertaining.
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