“I understand”, or “I see”, or “I hear you”, or “I’ll let you know”. “I’ll get back to you”. “Let me see”. “Let me think about it”. Again, short, succinct, super clear, followed by silence. Silence is so powerful. Once we get past the discomfort of the silence, silence is by far more powerful than anything we can even say, believe it or not!
So be sure to use it, especially when dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism, and we’re looking to communicate as clearly as possible, you’ve got zero power or influence over me here, buddy, like you’re wasting your time. This is not a yummy target, this is not going to go well for you, not giving my power away today. When that is the message that we want to send to an individual who thinks it’s a good idea or it might be a good idea to target us, silence is going to make them far more uncomfortable than you can even imagine.
In addition and where appropriate, this isn’t always going to be appropriate or work for you, but where appropriate, you can say something like:
“Cool”, or “okay”, or “I’m okay with that”, or “that’s fine with me”, or one of my personal favorites, “I don’t care” and silence, not another word, let it land. If you’re feeling brave, you can also say something like: “Yeah, that’s not going to happen, and silence”.
Watch the narcissist become completely unraveled, when they realize they are fully, entirely powerless over you. This is how we shut down a narcissist permanently. You start communicating like this, carrying that detached flat-line, couldn’t give a flying bleep kind of energy and communicating in this fashion, letting the silence be what it is, pretty soon, they have to go find someone else to play with, and you’re left alone in peace to get on with your happy, healthy, productive life, to start moving in the direction of a much better life without all the nonsense that they bring to the table.
Another option will be, of course, to go for good old-fashioned silence right out of the gate, right from the get-go. And I don’t mean in a passive-aggressive way like a covert narcissist would, that’s not what I mean. I mean, in a way, and this is all about the energy that you carry by the way, but in a way that says: “I am bounderied”. “I am not easy prey”. “I’m not a good target”, in a way that communicates you’re bulletproof, unshakeable like gray rock, uninteresting, fully uninteresting, fully uninterested, and fully unaffected and unfazed.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself.
What you’re shooting for here is to diffuse what would otherwise be a high-voltage intense conversation or situation. So that’s the goal, you want to keep that in mind. You’re not looking to antagonize and provoke and make things worse. You’re looking to turn the volume down on all the crazy and the insanity to the best of your ability. Like you can’t be responsible for how they show up, how they react, how they behave but just know that that is your goal.
You’re looking to diffuse the situation, not make it worse. And with that said, in so much as you’re able, you’re going to want to avoid inflicting narcissistic injury and thus, inciting narcissistic rage. Like that’s never going to work out well for you. So, in so much as you’re able, now we can’t tell, sometimes, all we have to do is walk into the room and we inflict narcissistic injury without even opening our mouths.
So like, we don’t always have control over that, but in so much that you do have control, like if you can avoid trying to have the last word or get that dig in, or win the right fight. Like bringing your ego to the table yourself, if you can avoid doing that, and if you have the opportunity to avoid inflicting unnecessary narcissistic injury, you definitely want to do that. Remember, they’re looking to trigger an emotional reaction from you.
So, be prepared to say things like:
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