#1: Disruption.
When we talk about the things that drive narcissists crazy, one of the things we’re going to say at the top of the list is disruptions. Narcissists have an agenda; they have a fixed way that they think things are supposed to go. Now, this is whether we’re talking about the covert narcissist, the overt narcissist, or the hedonistic, you-know-it’s-all-about-me-and-pleasure-seeking kind of narcissist. They have their agenda, and then you or anyone else can come along and say, “Well, I’m doing things differently,” or “That’s not my timetable,” or “I have some other things I have to take care of first,” or “I don’t really agree with that; I’d rather do this instead.” They’re wanting to coordinate with you, and all they can think is, “You’re just nothing but one big, huge inconvenience to me.” Now you, with all of your differences and with the fact that you don’t think exactly like them, I want what you want now. That’s how they think.
#2: Inclusion
Another thing that causes narcissists to go crazy is inclusion. Life proves over and over that there can be all sorts of other experiences or other people. There are folks who have different political beliefs than you. There are people who have different religious beliefs. There are people who have different lifestyle practices and who they live with or how they manage to do things. As you engage with life along the way, there are times when you’re asked to include those individuals who have some very different kinds of experiences.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Now, it may be that somebody has had something happen to them, and today they’re different, or tomorrow, or for the rest of their life, things are just not going to go according to the plan. So we want to learn how to accommodate different ideas, different preferences, or different lifestyle circumstances. The narcissist is thinking, “Include? Accommodate? I don’t want to do that either.” That’s bothersome. It takes them out of their comfort zone, and they want to simply deal with people who are in their club. “And please don’t make me feel uncomfortable along the way.”
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