Openness and vulnerability are key ingredients for successful relating. This includes the willingness to put one’s humanity out there so we can harmonize in the midst of imperfections.
When you are engaging with narcissists, they don’t take that kind of approach. So it’s not like they say, ‘Yeah, you know, basically, we all have needs and we all have our idiosyncrasies and quirks, our preferences, and all of that. And so I want you to know me thoroughly, and I want to know you thoroughly.’ They don’t think like that. They have a very tightly constructed false self that they live behind. It’s like they live behind a psychological shield, and you will not penetrate that shield. It’s like, ‘No, I’ve got an image that I have to maintain. And if there’s anything that kind of gets in the way of me maintaining that image, then you’re just not going to get to know about it because I’ve got to push that off to the side.’
Now, because of that, there are key phrases that you will never hear these individuals say because they’re so committed to keeping up that false image. They can’t go to that very basic style of relating that you and I would want them to go with. So let’s run through six primary phrases that you would not hear from a narcissist that, if you could, it would actually improve the relationship. And then, as we wrap it up, I’m going to want to talk with you about so much cleaner alternatives. Let’s go through these.
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