5. Emotional Unavailability.
The narcissistic mother doesn’t want to or doesn’t know how to talk about emotions. Something else I see which is kind of related is the wrong kind of emotional availability, not necessarily unavailability, but again, the wrong kind of availability like making too much of the daughter’s emotions. The daughter says something like: “I’m angry and hurt by what this other person did.” And the mother says: “You may be dangerous or violent.” “I always knew you had that in you.” “I could never really trust you, and I can’t know that you’re gonna be safe.”
So in one sense, it does the same thing as being emotionally unavailable in that the daughter doesn’t want to keep approaching the mother about emotions. The daughter doesn’t want to talk about her emotions because things get all twisted around from the mother’s perspective. Essentially, with this sign, we see no validation or very little validation of feelings.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
6. Controlling and Manipulative.
We see this through guilt trips. We see a lot of drama when the daughter doesn’t meet expectations. Like, for example, if the daughter gets in minor trouble at school, the mother might say, “I’m hurt, disappointed, shocked, or disgusted.” So really just blowing something relatively small way out of proportion and again making it about themselves.
We also see a look of disappointment sometimes instead of a clear statement. So instead of verbal communication, just a stare, or a look of profound disappointment. Again, meant to be manipulative, not authentic, not genuine.
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