In today’s topic, we are going to talk about how to get through a breakup by offering you the 13 tips from a psychologist.
We want to love and be loved. We strive to create a happy and strong family, to live in abundance and prosperity. But before finding the ideal life partner, many of us are destined to go through a series of partings. Some perceive this as the beginning of a new stage in life and find the strength to move forward, while for someone a break with a loved one is comparable to a serious loss.
All will pass…
Of course, time heals even the deepest wounds. But in the present moment, it seems that it’s simply impossible to continue living on, since the brain is absorbed in memories of the past, and feelings towards the former partner are still strong. As a result, we withdraw into ourselves, refuse to communicate with loved ones, surrender to the power of negative thoughts and anxious expectations, and get bogged down in a depressed emotional state.
Although now you don’t understand how to live on after breaking up, sooner or later, the mental pain will pass. The main thing is not to give up and do everything possible so that this condition does not lead to prolonged depression and does not leave an imprint on the subsequent relationship. Life is not over, there are many interesting things ahead of you, and new, no less happy relationships – including.
If you are unable to cope with the pain of loss on your own, we strongly recommend that you enlist the help of a psychologist. When parting, this is the most correct decision. Or at least take advantage of his advice. But now, while you’re reading this, I recommend you to continue reading these tips about how to get through a breakup.
If the breakup occurred suddenly and at the initiative of a loved one, and the relationship itself was characterized by a painful dependence and the need to take care of and control another, then the experiences can drag on for more than a year.
How long does it take to get through a breakup?
Many are interested not only in how to survive the breakup of a long relationship but also how long it will take. Everyone is individual and experiences this difficult period in their own way. In turn, the intensity and duration of experiences directly depend on a combination of the following factors:
- type of nervous system;
- the circumstances surrounding the breakup;
- the desire and effort you make to start life from scratch.
It’s believed that full recovery from a rupture takes several months to a year. However, if the breakup occurred suddenly and on the initiative of a loved one, and the relationship itself was characterized by painful dependence and the need to take care of and control another, then the experiences can drag on for a longer period.
It is much easier to survive parting with a loved one if both partners found the courage to admit that the relationship had exhausted itself, and expressed gratitude to each other for all that was good. Of course, this does not mean at all that people who are able to easily provide another person with the desired freedom and part peacefully are robots devoid of human feelings. They just know how to find within themselves the resources that support them in difficult periods of life and experience after parting more bright sadness than unbearable pain and unwillingness to live on.
Psychologists advice: how to get through a breakup?
We have prepared some simple guidelines for you to help you quickly leave all regrets in the past and feel the joy of life again.
- Give yourself time to grieve. Arrange a kind of mourning for lost relationships, and broken hopes for a common future. Try to come to terms with irreversible changes in your life. Learn to live on a wave of new energy, without the love and support of your partner, which you are used to counting on for the time spent together.
- Out of sight, out of mind. Often, after parting, people try to maintain friendly relations, believing that this is not a reason to completely remove the person from their lives. But don’t be fooled! In most cases, former partners agree to friendship because they can’t come to terms with the idea that a loved one will leave their lives forever.
Love under the guise of friendship does not bring happiness, and such friendship will not be real and sincere. No wonder there is a proverb “out of sight – out of mind.” It’s much easier to forget a person if you don’t maintain any connections with him. In any case, both partners need time to be apart and tune in to an exceptionally friendly relationship.
- Make sure that nothing reminds you of your former lover. It’s useful to unsubscribe from him on social networks, delete the history of correspondence, and reduce communication with mutual friends. Someone, after the breakup, gets rid of joint photos and gifts. If you don’t have the strength to part with things, put them in a box and hide them away. Also ask mutual acquaintances, if possible, not to mention your ex in front of you.
- Remove any music from your player that reminds you of an ended relationship. Replace them with uplifting tracks.
- Clear the space. Renew the apartment: do general cleaning, rearrange the furniture, apply the new wallpaper. Cleansing outer space is a kind of mental cleansing, after which it will become easier to accept the changes.
- Stabilize your emotional state and find the strength to continue caring for yourself. Regular healthy food, manicure, walks in the fresh air. Physical activity will help keep yourself in good shape – both physically and emotionally.
- Change your image. Experiment with hair color and length. Go shopping and treat yourself to beautiful new clothes and shoes, and get rid of the things you no longer like. The outside influences the inside – this is a fact, and very soon you will feel better.
- Environment support. After the breakup, close people will try to distract you from painful reflections. Get you out of the house, and do something interesting. Do not refuse their help because having fun with loving people is a great way to feel better.
- Find an internal resource. Move away from the victim image and expectation that someone should make you happy. Stop looking for love somewhere else, because the main person in your life is yourself. Become a generator of positive emotions for yourself. Find what you enjoy doing and what will develop you, make you more confident and happier.
- Don’t fill the void with a string of new partners. You need to give yourself time to get over the breakup with a loved one and meet your inner emptiness. In fear of pain and loneliness, many skip this important stage. Unfortunately, walking into the arms of a stranger has the opposite effect and the feeling of emptiness only intensifies. Stay in conscious loneliness for as long as you need, and devote yourself to restoring vitality, and self-development.
- Analyze the quality of your relationship. Think about what was holding you back in the relationship. If these are children, fear of financial insolvency or loneliness, then, first of all, it is necessary to work on issues of personal maturity, and not on the return of a partner, and it is advisable to do this under the guidance of a psychologist.
- Don’t try to numb the yearning with food, stimulants, and alcohol. Not only will this not bring the desired relief, but it will also cause serious damage in the form of the release of stress hormones, physiological dependence, and excess weight. Instead, tune in to conscious inner work to end the relationship emotionally and accept your current state.
- If you sincerely need not only love and affection but the very personality (!) Of a loved one, then openly tell him about it, without threats and manipulation. Offer to work together on the problems and grievances that have accumulated during your relationship. Seek advice from a family counselor. That way, you can at least admit to yourself that you did the best you could. If your partner is categorical in his decision to leave, then you just have to accept his choice and start living your new, separate life.
A psychologist’s point of view: how they experience parting with a loved one?
The experience of breaking up in a love relationship often involves the same stages as the reaction to the loss of a loved one.
- Negation. At such a moment, our consciousness cannot accept the fact of what happened. We make plans, cherish hope, and comfort ourselves that the gap is not final, the other half will definitely take a step towards reconciliation, and everything will be as before.
- Anger. We experience latent resentment or openly express it. An endless stream of accusations or insults pours against the former partner. This often helps to separate from the partner, to increase the distance. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel anger towards our ex, we often turn the entire stream of negative emotions onto ourselves: we blame the breakup and convince ourselves that we don’t deserve another good relationship.
- Bargain. We start bargaining with ourselves or with a former partner in an attempt to start the relationship over. Living the gap, we set ourselves a certain period during which we can return our beloved. So our psyche is trying to cope with the breakup and get used to the new situation.
- Depression. At some point, the realization comes that it’s time to stop making senseless attempts to deny the breakup. And then we are covered with a wave of despair, sadness, and apathy.
- Adoption. If you give yourself enough time to survive this “mental flu”, the painful symptoms gradually subside, after which comes the acceptance of the new situation. After that, we find the strength to move on, and past relationships remain in the past – like a completed chapter in the book of life, after which new interesting chapters follow.
Those were the top 13 psychological tips on how to get through a breakup. Please, don’t forget to share this article with your friends and family.
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