1. Acknowledging that the abuse happened.
When we’ve been gaslit or manipulated for a while, we can start to believe that we made all the abuse up or that it was our fault that it even happened. We can even think that we were just exaggerating things or being too sensitive.
Whatever we were told by the abuser can start to slowly weigh on us, and we can begin to agree with them and end up internalizing it. Meaning that we accept it as fact, or like thinking that it’s our own belief by acknowledging that it was abuse, that we sustained. We not only shed light on what happened but also recognize that how we felt originally was correct.
One way to start acknowledging the abuse is to journal about our past experiences. Talk about what happened, what we remember, what they said to us about it. And then, talk about this in therapy. Sometimes, if we write things out, as we remember, and then talk to someone and talk them through it, we can recall certain parts of the situation that were hurtful, abusive, or even manipulative.
Your therapist can help shine a light on some of that. But in my experience, even telling someone out loud what happened gives us another perspective. And while we can second guess if we’re remembering it right, we will start to see that maybe we weren’t fully to blame, or it’s possible that it didn’t happen the way that they said it did.
This entire process can help us validate our feelings and experiences, and hopefully, help us see outside of the abuse and lies that we were told.
I know it’s hard, but keep writing, thinking, and talking about it because remember hurtful and abusive things only grow stronger in the dark and secret. Shedding light on them and speaking about them out loud, ’causes them to lose their power. It’s really hard at first, but trust me when I tell you that it is so freeing and healing.
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