3. Break past patterns.
The third step is to break past patterns. And I know, easier said than done. But in order for us to not get back into another abusive relationship or ended up meshed with someone, later on, we’re gonna have to break those patterns now. And the first part of this is to start recognizing some of the patterns of behavior that we have in our relationships.
This could be us recognizing our struggle to place and uphold boundaries with others, or maybe our constant need for approval. It can even be our difficulty in admitting when a relationship isn’t good. And we keep hoping that they’ll prove us wrong and we give them way more chances than they deserve. While we try to figure out these patterns, know that it’s okay to need to lean on our therapist for guidance with this. It can be hard to know what’s healthy or not when we’ve been under a narcissist spell for so long.
So let them help you figure out what you’re doing as a result of the past abuse and guide you towards a healthier way of having relationships. It will be uncomfortable at first but know that when we’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it’s best that we’re a little bit uncomfortable. Doing this takes time, but it’s important and can help keep us out of another harmful relationship.
And I do believe that it’s best to do this work when we’re single and not starting any new relationships, whether that be friendships or romantic ones. It allows us to see things more clearly when we’re single and make better decisions early on in those relationships.
4. Heal from the trauma.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but narcissistic abuse is a traumatic experience. When someone we care about hurts us physically, emotionally, or sexually, it is going to take time and effort to process through what happened and heal from it.
Finding a mental health professional to help us put what happened into a timeline or story as well as help us talk it through and validate all we felt and went through is really important right now. And I know it’s hard work and it can feel slow and be really frustrating at times, but stick with it. Whether it’s adding on EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, schema therapy, or any other style of trauma therapy, get in it and keep at it because, with proper support, it can and will get better.
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