3. Envy.
Covert narcissists feel incredibly envious of others. When you share something positive about your life, they may act happy for you, but then they quickly dismiss your success or downplay your good news, maybe saying, “Oh, that’s nice,” in a shallow, condescending tone. Or they may tell you that they know someone who did the same thing 10 times better or faster than you. Comparing you to others is one of their favorite tactics that they use to deflate you. And this is very confusing because they often pretend to be your biggest cheerleader, and yet they are subtly doing things to discourage and devalue you at every turn.
Because they’re so envious, they also tend to trash-talk others in very subtle ways. Doing this by dropping hints, making ambiguous negative comments, or false accusations to undermine someone’s reputation. Again, the point is to knock that person down in the eyes of others, which in some twisted way gives the narcissist a sense of superiority and control over the narrative.
The narcissist will do this to anyone that they’re envious of, anyone that they feel inferior to or threatened by, including their so-called friends, family members, or partners. It can be anyone.
4. Passive-aggressive.
As much as covert narcissists can be aggressive, their typical go-to tactic is to be passive-aggressive. They are not able to express their needs in mature ways, and so they often resort to childlike tactics. So instead of engaging in a productive conversation about the problem, the covert narcissist will use passive-aggressive behavior to communicate their dissatisfaction.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
For example, let’s say your girlfriend is upset that you didn’t text first thing in the morning. Instead of directly asking you why you didn’t text first thing in the morning like you usually do, she doesn’t answer any of your calls all morning or all day. And when she finally answers, you know, she doesn’t say anything about it, acts like there’s nothing wrong. Maybe you asked her out to dinner, but then when you go to pick her up, she deliberately makes you wait for a very long time. When you let her know that you know you’re going to lose the reservation if she doesn’t hurry up, you get sighs, eye rolls, and comments like, “Oh, I guess you don’t like it when you have to wait.”
So another thing is that the covert narcissist often waits to retaliate or show their dissatisfaction. So instead of immediately and impulsively letting it out, they will serve up their revenge when you’re least expecting it. To you, it seems like it’s coming out of the left field, but for the narcissist, they have just been waiting for their moment.
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