Number 3: “You’re perfect, smart, beautiful, funny, creative, kind, loving, and intelligent.”
Everyone loves to be complimented and you’ll likely hear a phrase similar to this in many relationships, not just in a relationship with a narcissist. However, in my experience, it does have a slightly different meaning when you’re dealing with a narcissist. In a narcissistic relationship, what they compliment you on is typically the sole reason why they chose you in the first place.
“You’re perfect” means “so far I haven’t found anything about you that will cause this relationship not to work.” “You’re beautiful” means “you’ll look good on my arms, and in turn, you’ll make me look good.” “You’re smart” means “you can help me with my goals and I can also get the attention from all your hard work and accomplishments.” “You’re funny, creative, or kind” means “that people likely enjoy and gravitate towards you and this will make them enjoy and gravitate towards me as well.”
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
In addition to this, narcissists are also drawn to people who have characteristics they’re missing within themselves. They see people as an extension of themselves, so if they’re in a relationship with you and you have these qualities, they can benefit from your good qualities too.
These compliments will likely make you feel appreciated because finally, someone has noticed how much hard work you’ve put into accomplishing your goals. They’ll make you feel valued like you’re really making an important difference in their lives. These compliments can also be a really big boost to your self-confidence and self-esteem. The “you’re perfect, smart, beautiful, funny, creative, etc” phrase is designed to make you feel special like you’re adding value to your partner’s life and it’s being noticed and appreciated.
Number 4: “We were meant to be together.”
The next phrase the narcissists may use at the beginning of the relationship is: “We were meant to be together.” Similar phrases are: “It’s fate that we met.” “We were destined to be together.” “I’m so happy to have found you.” “I prayed for someone like you.” “I had a dream this would happen.” The narcissist will say these phrases to make you feel like you are their soulmate, like some forces outside of yourselves were in play to make this connection come together like the universe brought you together.
This will make you feel like maybe they’re right, everything is coming together so quickly, and effortlessly, maybe this connection was guided by fate. This phrase is designed to take down your guard and disregard red flags that you may have normally spotted. Because the relationship is moving so fast and you seem to be falling for each other so hard, you may falsely believe that this connection was meant to be.
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