Number 2: Projection.
Another sign that you’ve hurt a narcissist is that you’ll notice projection coming through really strong. When a narcissist is faced with some of those ugly feelings, that’s when they up their game of pushing things away. So, in a conversation that may be about one thing, a whole bunch of other things come in that seem unrelated. They might even seem like they’re not your character; they’re the person you’re arguing with—the narcissist’s character. Sometimes projection can be very clear in that way. For example, you could be arguing about finances or infidelity, and then they change the conversation to be about how you think you’re more important than they are.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
This is definitely a way to know that you have gotten to the narcissist because when they start projecting things out left and right, you know that you’re getting deep to that core. The fact that digging into this deeper will almost inevitably trigger narcissistic rage is proof that there’s a lot of negativity beneath the surface. Even though the outward persona may project “I’m winning, I’m a winner,” when you hurt a narcissist, you get a glimpse into what’s buried beneath, and it’s not pretty.
Number 3: Guilt-tripping.
The next sign that you’ve hurt a narcissist is that they resort to guilt-tripping. This is super common with narcissistic parents, especially narcissistic mothers. So, if you ever hear something like, “If you ever called me, you would know that I had a falling out with my best friend, and I’ve been torn up about it,” really what’s going on behind the surface is probably the worst feeling that a narcissist can feel, and that is insignificant. If you have cut them out of your life, if you’ve gone no contact or gray rock, you’re probably going to experience some level of guilt-tripping in an attempt to get you back within their reach. This guilt-tripping is a form of deflection. A healthy, functional adult might say something like, “Listen, I’m really hurting. I miss you. Would it be okay if I called you more often or can we get together sometimes?” Instead of putting negative feelings upon you.
For More: What Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact.
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