Number 5: Making false promises.
To dip our toes more into false information, more narcissistic hoovering tactics include making false promises. When finally given the chance to talk about the relationship or friendship, the narcissist will make these over-the-top promises that they have or will change. These lies are usually catered to specifically why they ended the relationship in the first place, and the hoovering narcissist knows exactly that they want to hear this. These promises are made with zero intentions of changing.
These specific promises are dangerous because they sound amazing to the victim who probably waited quite a while to hear this, but to the narcissist, it is only a game of cat and mouse. These promises usually include addressing the issues of being more compassionate and understanding to the victim. The victim usually realizes by the end of the relationship that they were never important and the hoovering narcissist will know this and pretend to start caring when they truly do not.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
The hoovering narcissist may actually act on these promises for a short while to gain the victim’s trust back, and when the victim is comfortable and content in the relationship or friendship; they will slowly go back to their old behaviors. This will make it harder for the victim to leave when they are reattached again.
Number 6: Pretend like nothing happened.
This may seem like an odd one to most people because you think to yourself, “How do you just pretend like you didn’t get dumped?” Well, it’s easy for a hoovering narcissist. In some cases, the victim will end the relationship and the next day, the narcissist will call and text like normal and pretend like it didn’t happen. This can throw the victim off because it isn’t the response they were expecting to get.
The victim will ask the narcissist why they are acting this way after the relationship ended the previous day, and the narcissist will usually respond with, “You were just upset, you really didn’t mean that. Plus, I learned the error of my ways. You know you love me.” With the relationship just ending and emotions still high, this can cause confusion in the victim and make them question their decision.
The narcissist will continue to post pictures and statuses as if nothing happened. The narcissist may also just show up at the victim’s home or work like nothing happened the previous day. This appears to the victim as if they are taking steps to fix the relationship and that may be something the victim wanted.
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