3. Gaslighting.
Now, gaslighting is a really sick game that involves denying your experience of reality, causing you or attempting to cause you to doubt and second guess yourself, and your memory and what you know full well you saw, heard and lived. It sounds like this, “That never happened. I never said that. I never did that, you’re making assumptions. I’m so innocent and you’re so sensitive. It wasn’t that bad. Miscommunications happen and you’re blowing things out of proportion. You’re crazy.”
Now, here’s the thing about gaslighting, you know what you lived, period, end of the story. And anyone who attempts to gaslight you ever is not a safe person, and distance needs to be put between you and them no matter who they are. Sure miscommunication happens, but not as a pattern of behavior on repeat in big and small ways. We’re looking for patterns here, not a one-off.
And when someone has a pattern of behavior, that includes saying one thing and then denying they ever said it, or treating you shitty and then having all manner of justification and rationalization as to why your perspective and your feelings aren’t legitimate. You, my friend, are being gaslighted, and it’s up to you to see it for what it is and protect yourself.
And here’s a tip: If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, covert or otherwise, document everything. You never know when being able to pull up screenshots of the text or the conversation in Messenger might just save your skin due to their ever-so-convenient and bizarre memory lapses.
4. Triangulation and Gathering The Troops.
Here’s the thing, it’s pretty sad when an adult in their forties or older has to share a half-true distorted version of the story in order to get a 21-year-old on their team. Sometimes worse, they do this with a child, but this is what they do. It’s sick, it’s sad, and it’s a big clue that you’re dealing with a narcissist when this is going on. How do I know?
Because reasonably healthy adults can actually stand on the firm foundation of their own experience, without going out of their way to rally the troops onto their team. Narcissists, however, go at this activity like it’s their full-time job.
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